Chubs, the Little Horse

Hey friends, it’s Chubs.

Now, I may be a pony, but I’m no fool. I’ve been around long enough to know when something’s not quite right—especially when it comes to my hoomans. They’re sweet, sure. But when they get that look in their eyes or start acting just a little too friendly, I know what’s coming.

So, for the good of horsekind everywhere, I present to you:

Ten Signs Your Hooman Is Definitely Up to Something.

1. They show up with a halter… and a weird smile.
That’s not a “let’s go graze” smile. That’s a “you’re going to the vet/groomer/trailer” smile. Run.

2. They bring treats before asking anything.
Bribery 101. Suspicious. Don’t fall for it (okay, fall for it—but know it’s a trap).

3. They brush you longer than usual—like, way longer.
This can only mean one thing: someone’s coming over with a camera or a saddle. Possibly both.

4. They clean your hooves when you haven’t even gone anywhere.
Hoomans don’t just clean hooves for fun. Something’s happening. Something big.

5. You hear the word “bath.”
And suddenly they’re filling buckets and reaching for the hose. You didn’t sign up for this.

6. They bring out your fancy blanket.
If the purple one comes out, I know we’re either going somewhere… or I’m about to be photographed against my will.

7. The trailer door creaks open.
Even if they say it’s “just to check the tack,” we know the truth. The trailer never opens without consequences.

8. They whisper about “just a quick trip.”
Uh-huh. That’s what they said last time, and I ended up at the vet with a thermometer somewhere no thermometer should ever go.

9. You smell the vet before you see them.
It’s a very specific smell. Clinical. Confident. Full of pokes. Abort mission.

10. They tell you how handsome or pretty you are… repeatedly.
Flattery is a sure sign they’re about to ask you to do something ridiculous. Like wear heart-shaped ears. Or step on a scale. Or stand still for something called “social media.”

Look, I love my hoomans. I really do. But when the signs start stacking up? You better believe I’m watching every move they make.

Until next time, stay alert, stay skeptical, and never trust a sudden influx of treats. 🐴